I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
A bitchslap is in order.
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