My Higher Power is John Stamos
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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