Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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