Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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