I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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