Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
