is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
