my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There's always time for handjobs
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
