All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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