I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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