Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
