I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
