But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
