if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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