How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
