Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
After last night, I could never be a politician.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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