Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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