My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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