Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You are the jesus of drinking
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
