I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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