Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
