My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
