I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
