a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
