his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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