Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
