The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
