Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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