I heard we made out
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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