how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
