You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
