It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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