I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
