I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
