she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
