I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize