I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We need to get me chipped asap
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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