GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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