Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
