Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
