I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
