I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
