What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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