My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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