We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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