i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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