sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
