It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize