just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
