He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
