Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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