This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
