I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
