You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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