You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
