Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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