Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
