You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
