Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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