32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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