No more Irish car bombs ever.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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