Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
