It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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