I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize