Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
