Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
