4 words: hood of his car
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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