Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
