dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
