I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
