It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
