He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
