Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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