These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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